I wrote the below short story last night called “The Request” as Bria lay on my chest. I’d like to share this with all of you. 

It’s about my relationship with God during my years of infertility. 

My infertility journey is one is still yet have to fully share. The pain I felt those first 9 years of marriage were unimaginably painful. 9 years of being tested like a lab rat, 11 IUI’s, 6 fertility clinics across 3 states & 2 full IVF cycles later, my son Sammy came into this world. 12 years after we got married (2.5 years after Sammy was born), our daughter Bria miraculously came into this world, with zero fertility treatment, a shock to all our doctors who said it could never happen naturally for us. A testament  to God creating an open miracle  

I was holding Sammy one morning  when he was still newborn, kissing his head and feeling his full weight on my chest. I remembered that feeling, that was how I felt when I would lay in bed crying and begging for a child.

Last night, I felt the same feeling as Bria lay in my chest  I had to write about it, so please enjoy my short story below. Even if you never experienced infertility, I believe every mother can relate in her own way.

Prayers and hugs to all of those still praying for their miracle child.

- Ayala Gross

The Request

A childless woman approached God’s throne and collapsed in tears.

“My child, please tell Me how your heart is grieving.”

“God, all I want to be is a mother. It’s been years of pain, years of watching families grow around me. And yet here I stand, barren, broken and alone. You have forgotten me, and now here I stand, I throwing myself at Your feet. Why don’t you answer my prayers for a child? Have I not been your faithful servant? What have I done so bad to deserve this pain?”

“Every night”, she continued, “I lay in bed, unable to fall alseep. Tears steam down my face. I am too exhausted to sleep. It’s hard to breathe. My chest falls heavy with each shallow breath, as though the weight of the world lays upon me. My tears run down my cheeks on to my pillow. My quivering lips meet my hands in prayer. I don’t want to leave my bed, I want to stay there and cry with this heaviness upon my chest. I want the world to see my sadness.

What can I give you as payment other than request you accept all my tears in exchange for a child. While I wait, I beg you in the interim to please erase the heaviness from my chest.”

She proceeded to present a glass cravat, overflowing with her tears that she had collected over the years.

Through His own tears God responded “My Child. I don’t need your tears. Your pain is My pain. I’m with you in this suffering. I want nothing more than to see you, My child, be what I created you to be, a mother. These tears of Mine are becuase I can’t tell you why you have to wait. I wish I could tell you, I want you to trust Me, but you already do. I see you try so hard with blind faith.

As your reward for your extraordinary efforts, I will make you a promise: I will personally see to it that the souls I will send to you to care for, will be hand selected from My finest collection of souls. They will be the purest souls I have, I choose you to care for them. Becuase you have showed me the purity of your heart - that BEFORE all else fails, you turn to Me and bring me in as a partner in your pain.

Please wait just a little longer. I promise when you meet the souls I will send you, you wont be saddened that you waited so long, you see how incredible they are and know that they are yours to care for becuase you trusted in Me.

As to your request to remove the heaviness in your chest, I will not erase it, I will replace it. “

Not knowing what God meant, she left cried herself to sleep.

Some time later, as she laied in bed, unable to fall alseep - she recognized that old feeling on her chest. Tears steamed down her face. Too exhausted to sleep. It felt heard to breathe. Her chest fell heavy with each shallow breath, as though the whole lay upon her. Her tears ran down her cheeks, on to her newborn baby’s head. Her quivering lips meet her baby’s sweet hands in prayer. She didn’t want to leave her bed, She wanted to stay there and cry tears of joy, with the weight of the heaviness of her child upon her chest. She wanted the world to see her happiness.

“What can I give you as repayment other than request you accept all my full trust in you? “ she asked God.

“My child,” answered God, “your trust in Me was all I could ever request.”